True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He felt like a one man threesome
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
