I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
