it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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