they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
