hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can text with my tongue
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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