Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
