See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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