No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize