Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
