we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
