trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
