shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
