Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
