who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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