I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
