I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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