Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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