he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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