Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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