and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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