Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
