I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you had me at cake vodka
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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