Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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