So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize