please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
