TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
