she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
zippers are such a cool invention
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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