I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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