Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
