I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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