dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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