I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's never too late to be topless.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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