So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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