well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
