I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
