Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
