I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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