Already got asked if we're dating
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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