I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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