I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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