she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
