I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
