How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
