went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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