i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
