ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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