Are we in a gay sports bar?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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