I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
