brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
