he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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