Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
