dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
