my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
