Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
