I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
