she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
