Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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