I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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