he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
