I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
