We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
