Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
