After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I love you.
Bad choice
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
