i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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