And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
