Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
