If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
