i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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