"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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