I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
