I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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