on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
