Porn is love you can see.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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