Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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