So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We need to get me chipped asap
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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