there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
