hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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