Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
