the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
