the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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