this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize