He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
