he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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