guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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